I skipped my cup of coffee this morning.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy my morning cup. I absolutely do! I just woke up this morning, not wanting to take the time to walk into the kitchen to weigh out the 20 grams of beans before grinding them and brewing my cup.
So, I didn’t have coffee today.
I fell asleep in the same clothes I wore all day yesterday, and I have absolutely no regrets. Walmart has some amazing tie-dye pants that are honestly softer than some of the pajama pants I own. I’m still wearing them. Instead of putting on a cute workout outfit and doing a Leslie Sansone walk, I bundled up in my purple sherpa hoodie, last year’s grey winter coat, and a pink and grey hat I knitted for myself and went outside for a 3-mile walk.
Unfortunately, I feel like there’s never a good time to go for a walk. In the late afternoon and evening, families are out on strolls with their kids and dogs. Children are riding bikes or playing in their front yards. In the morning, the same dog walkers are out while children are walking to school or standing in front of their houses waiting for the bus.
I just wanted to put on some worship music on Spotify and walk without seeing any other humans. I wanted solitude.
I will, intentionally, go out of my way to avoid crossing the street with a crossing guard. I know. It’s a strange thing, I know. It just makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sure why that is. Perhaps it’s this feeling that I’m a little kid again. Maybe it’s simply that I don’t want to have to stop and wait for someone else to tell me I can proceed when I can clearly see it’s safe to cross myself.
I suspect a lot of it has to do with the crossing guard who was stationed by my high school. I absolutely dreaded crossing when she was there, but I also didn’t have much choice. There was an option for avoiding her, but it really wasn’t allowed since it meant avoiding the sidewalk on the opposite side of the busy road. Not every street around here has a sidewalk, but, as a general rule, we were supposed to use one whenever possible.
So, after school, I’d cross the street with this crossing guard. She’d get us right to the halfway point across the street and immediately send the traffic heading northeast on their way. She didn’t wait until students approached the opposite curb or were safely on the sidewalk. I felt the breeze of cars and trucks on my back too many times to count in the two-and-a-half years I was in high school.
It was a weird morning. It still is one. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that. Everything just feels heavy today, and I’m struggling to keep from letting the tension and emotions of the world weigh me down. I had a tense conversation with a friend last night. I’m generally the kind of person to avoid those kinds of conversations because I hate the tension that comes from disagreeing. I’d rather just go with the flow.
However, I also have pretty strong opinions of my own. I won’t compromise my own beliefs; I simply don’t want to publicly disagree with yours. I’d rather do what I think is right and be done with it- even if sometimes, my thoughts and opinions are controversial.
I know most of my friends will have to agree to disagree when it comes to some of my choices. I also trust that, despite not completely agreeing on everything, we can still be friends.
I’m not completely sure what I have planned for today. I may take a trip to Aldi to see if I can snag one of those coveted cheese advent calendars. Aldi around here doesn’t sell alcohol, not that it matters; I don’t drink. I also need to spend some time looking for work, update my Powersheets, and finish the Fab4 Smoothie I’ve been slowly sipping my way through.
I suppose I should get going.