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Back to my Happy Place

I’m going back to the WW Green plan on Monday.

Well, ok, that’s only half-true. I’m going to be following the same plan, but I’m not rejoining WW. The drama surrounding the company is undoubtedly a factor, but it’s not the only reason. I still don’t want to deal with weigh-ins and the pressure of Lifetime that led me to leave almost 6 months ago. Plus, I’m already an iTrackBites pro member. I can’t justify paying $500 a year for a plan that I’m currently getting for $18—[Note: I joined iTrackBites during a promotional period and got locked into a discounted rate].

I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this decision. It seems to me that this year, a lot of people are moving away from counting points. While I, personally, never struggled with under-eating on SmartPoints, I know many people eat too few calories. (But that’s something I’ll rant about another day). Even I jumped on the calorie counting bandwagon. I started with double-tracking both calories and Points (both SmartPoints and PointsPlus). Then, I transitioned to counting calories.

The truth is, calorie counting isn’t right for me. I know losing weight (or fat, rather) is a matter of calories in and calories out. It’s a mental thing. When I count calories, I get obsessive. I have a scale that weighs and measures down to a tenth of a gram. I don’t track “one scoop” of protein powder. I will track 31.3 grams.

I know it’s my own fault. I’m the one doing it. It’s why I burn out on calorie counting.

Last fall and winter, I was killing it. Lately, however, I’ve been struggling with consistency. I keep self-sabotaging- all while desperately wanting to be back in the same place I was a year ago.

I left SmartPoints because I started putting too much pressure on the number on the scale. My weight loss slowed down, and I got distracted. I started experimenting, and my consistency in staying on plan suffered.

Lately, however, I stopped caring about the number on the scale. I haven’t weighed myself in months. I imagine the number on the scale has gone up; I feel like it’s gone up. That doesn’t really matter, though. I’m not frustrated with the scale. I’m frustrated because I feel like, no matter what I do, I struggle to stay consistent. I stay on track for a few days to a few weeks. Then, I self-sabotage. I eat like a jerk. I stop tracking.

And the entire time, I yell at myself: “Do it anyway! You don’t eat like a jerk! Stop it!”

Yet, it’s not enough. I keep ignoring myself. I don’t know why.

So, I decided to really look at things. What was going on the last time I truly felt in control? What was I doing the last time I was consistent for an extended period?

SmartPoints. I wasn’t looking at calories. I was just following the WW Green Plan, and I absolutely loved it. I wasn’t perfect by any means (though, what is perfect?) I still had days where I made less than ideal choices. However, I always got right back on track immediately after. An indulgent dessert with lunch was followed by a simple dinner of protein and vegetables. I rarely spiraled out of control as I do now.

So, I’m stepping away from the meticulous stress of calorie counting. I’m going back to not weighing and measuring every morsel of food I eat. I’m keeping secondary metrics turned off for now. I won’t be tracking my zero point foods with precision. I don’t see a need to weigh my protein powder when I can have just under a scoop and a half for 1sp. I probably won’t measure my coffee creamer anymore. (A quarter cup of NutPods is 1 point, and I know I don’t use that much). 

I’m still taking a break from the number on the scale. However, I am going back to weigh-ins on Monday. I cashed in the money I earned using the WayBetter App and ordered a Shapa scale. I want to see whether or not the scale is going up or down. Right now, my goal is to see the number go down, but not gaining is my top priority. In a few months, I’ll reassess. Maybe I’ll slowly increase my points and reverse back into maintenance. Perhaps I’ll go back to counting calories again.

For now, I’m just going back to my happy place.

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