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Just Another Blog Post…. but this one has Cat Pictures!

I’m feeling anxious today.

I’m not sure why. I’m pretty sure it’s not because of the election drama or anything like that. It certainly doesn’t help, but I’m not exactly thrilled with either of the possible results this year. I just woke up with this incredibly anxious, uneasy feeling. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but it has been a while since I’ve dealt with it. Oh, the joys of having multiple anxiety disorders!

I got up, had my coffee, finished week 4, day 3 of LIIFT4, followed by a 2 mile Walk at Home walk.

Breakfast was a smoothie made with chocolate protein powder, acacia fiber, creatine, collagen peptides, kale, cauliflower, and carrots. With it, I had a Pecan RxBar (nothing to write home about) and some of the frozen yogurt bark I made. The yogurt bark was just 2% plain Fage with honey mixed in, spread on a cookie sheet, and topped with fresh berries and Target’s Good and Gather Salted Chocolate Grain-Free Granola before freezing.

To be perfectly honest, I really just wanted the yogurt bark and/or RxBar, but I like a little more protein to start off my day. So, I decided to steal an idea from Brianna and have a chocolate protein shake on the side. I just bumped things up a bit by adding in the fiber powder and some veggies. Usually, I don’t use flavored protein powder for smoothies, but I figured there’s nothing wrong with doing it occasionally. Besides, I was initially just going to mix the powders together and call it a day. Adding greens just took it a step further.

Anyway, after I finished my breakfast, I went out to run a few errands. I took one of my cats out for a trip to a couple pet stores. He was a little clingy when we first got into the car, but he calmed down once I started driving. The hardest part was holding onto him in the parking lot. Once indoors, he was a lot calmer. Don’t be fooled, however! This is the same cat that likes to bolt out the front door and bully the neighbors’ dogs.

Unfortunately, social distancing when you bring a cat into a store is extra challenging, but I’m ok with that. Simba certainly enjoys meeting people. I’m tempted to take him out more. I would¬†love¬†to take him out right now. It’s just the kind of crazy, impulsive thing I do when I’m feeling anxious. (I’ve also shaved my head and gotten my ears pierced, so this is tame in comparison).

I ran half of my errands with Simba in tow, then took him home and stopped at Target and the grocery store to take care of everything else I needed to do to check one of the monthly items off my Powersheets. I’m incredibly excited about checking this one off.

I’m at 12,000 steps right now. I still need to clean up my workout set-up from this morning: roll up my mat and put away the pile of dumbbells I used. I think I use a more extensive variety of weights on shoulder day than any other day. I think, when it comes to upper body, shoulder day might be my least favorite.

I also need to straighten up the kitchen and tidy my room. It’s a little messy right now. Nothing terrible; I just have some things scattered around from one of my to-do list items. Usually, the goal is to tidy before I go to bed, but tonight is book club night, so I need to get it cleaned up before that. Actually, book club tonight is a good thing when it comes to me getting things done.

I think I need to start a load of laundry as well. I might be able to put it off until tomorrow, but I should probably just do it today. Is 4 pm too early to shower and put on pajamas?

Yikes! 4 pm?! Well, I definitely need to get moving. I have to make sure the living room and kitchen are cleaned up before anyone else gets home. I’ve been pretty good about cleaning up my messes in those shared spaces (even cleaning up around or for other people), but the one time I leave a spoon in the sink for longer than 20 seconds, I don’t hear the end of it.

Hopefully, this gnawing feeling of anxiety subsides soon. It’s the worst!

Take care, everyone!

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Random Thoughts

I skipped my cup of coffee this morning.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy my morning cup. I absolutely do! I just woke up this morning, not wanting to take the time to walk into the kitchen to weigh out the 20 grams of beans before grinding them and brewing my cup.

So, I didn’t have coffee today.

I fell asleep in the same clothes I wore all day yesterday, and I have absolutely no regrets. Walmart has some amazing tie-dye pants that are honestly softer than some of the pajama pants I own. I’m still wearing them. Instead of putting on a cute workout outfit and doing a Leslie Sansone walk, I bundled up in my purple sherpa hoodie, last year’s grey winter coat, and a pink and grey hat I knitted for myself and went outside for a 3-mile walk.

Unfortunately, I feel like there’s never a good time to go for a walk. In the late afternoon and evening, families are out on strolls with their kids and dogs. Children are riding bikes or playing in their front yards. In the morning, the same dog walkers are out while children are walking to school or standing in front of their houses waiting for the bus.

I just wanted to put on some worship music on Spotify and walk without seeing any other humans. I wanted solitude.

I will, intentionally, go out of my way to avoid crossing the street with a crossing guard. I know. It’s a strange thing, I know. It just makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sure why that is. Perhaps it’s this feeling that I’m a little kid again. Maybe it’s simply that I don’t want to have to stop and wait for someone else to tell me I can proceed when I can clearly see it’s safe to cross myself.

I suspect a lot of it has to do with the crossing guard who was stationed by my high school. I absolutely dreaded crossing when she was there, but I also didn’t have much choice. There was an option for avoiding her, but it really wasn’t allowed since it meant avoiding the sidewalk on the opposite side of the busy road. Not every street around here has a sidewalk, but, as a general rule, we were supposed to use one whenever possible.

So, after school, I’d cross the street with this crossing guard. She’d get us right to the halfway point across the street and immediately send the traffic heading northeast on their way. She didn’t wait until students approached the opposite curb or were safely on the sidewalk. I felt the breeze of cars and trucks on my back too many times to count in the two-and-a-half years I was in high school.

It was a weird morning. It still is one. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that. Everything just feels heavy today, and I’m struggling to keep from letting the tension and emotions of the world weigh me down. I had a tense conversation with a friend last night. I’m generally the kind of person to avoid those kinds of conversations because I hate the tension that comes from disagreeing. I’d rather just go with the flow.

However, I also have pretty strong opinions of my own. I won’t compromise my own beliefs; I simply don’t want to publicly disagree with yours. I’d rather do what I think is right and be done with it- even if sometimes, my thoughts and opinions are controversial.

I know most of my friends will have to agree to disagree when it comes to some of my choices. I also trust that, despite not completely agreeing on everything, we can still be friends.

I’m not completely sure what I have planned for today. I may take a trip to Aldi to see if I can snag one of those coveted cheese advent calendars. Aldi around here doesn’t sell alcohol, not that it matters; I don’t drink. I also need to spend some time looking for work, update my Powersheets, and finish the Fab4 Smoothie I’ve been slowly sipping my way through.

I suppose I should get going.