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Back to my Happy Place

I’m going back to the WW Green plan on Monday.

Well, ok, that’s only half-true. I’m going to be following the same plan, but I’m not rejoining WW. The drama surrounding the company is undoubtedly a factor, but it’s not the only reason. I still don’t want to deal with weigh-ins and the pressure of Lifetime that led me to leave almost 6 months ago. Plus, I’m already an iTrackBites pro member. I can’t justify paying $500 a year for a plan that I’m currently getting for $18—[Note: I joined iTrackBites during a promotional period and got locked into a discounted rate].

I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about this decision. It seems to me that this year, a lot of people are moving away from counting points. While I, personally, never struggled with under-eating on SmartPoints, I know many people eat too few calories. (But that’s something I’ll rant about another day). Even I jumped on the calorie counting bandwagon. I started with double-tracking both calories and Points (both SmartPoints and PointsPlus). Then, I transitioned to counting calories.

The truth is, calorie counting isn’t right for me. I know losing weight (or fat, rather) is a matter of calories in and calories out. It’s a mental thing. When I count calories, I get obsessive. I have a scale that weighs and measures down to a tenth of a gram. I don’t track “one scoop” of protein powder. I will track 31.3 grams.

I know it’s my own fault. I’m the one doing it. It’s why I burn out on calorie counting.

Last fall and winter, I was killing it. Lately, however, I’ve been struggling with consistency. I keep self-sabotaging- all while desperately wanting to be back in the same place I was a year ago.

I left SmartPoints because I started putting too much pressure on the number on the scale. My weight loss slowed down, and I got distracted. I started experimenting, and my consistency in staying on plan suffered.

Lately, however, I stopped caring about the number on the scale. I haven’t weighed myself in months. I imagine the number on the scale has gone up; I feel like it’s gone up. That doesn’t really matter, though. I’m not frustrated with the scale. I’m frustrated because I feel like, no matter what I do, I struggle to stay consistent. I stay on track for a few days to a few weeks. Then, I self-sabotage. I eat like a jerk. I stop tracking.

And the entire time, I yell at myself: “Do it anyway! You don’t eat like a jerk! Stop it!”

Yet, it’s not enough. I keep ignoring myself. I don’t know why.

So, I decided to really look at things. What was going on the last time I truly felt in control? What was I doing the last time I was consistent for an extended period?

SmartPoints. I wasn’t looking at calories. I was just following the WW Green Plan, and I absolutely loved it. I wasn’t perfect by any means (though, what is perfect?) I still had days where I made less than ideal choices. However, I always got right back on track immediately after. An indulgent dessert with lunch was followed by a simple dinner of protein and vegetables. I rarely spiraled out of control as I do now.

So, I’m stepping away from the meticulous stress of calorie counting. I’m going back to not weighing and measuring every morsel of food I eat. I’m keeping secondary metrics turned off for now. I won’t be tracking my zero point foods with precision. I don’t see a need to weigh my protein powder when I can have just under a scoop and a half for 1sp. I probably won’t measure my coffee creamer anymore. (A quarter cup of NutPods is 1 point, and I know I don’t use that much). 

I’m still taking a break from the number on the scale. However, I am going back to weigh-ins on Monday. I cashed in the money I earned using the WayBetter App and ordered a Shapa scale. I want to see whether or not the scale is going up or down. Right now, my goal is to see the number go down, but not gaining is my top priority. In a few months, I’ll reassess. Maybe I’ll slowly increase my points and reverse back into maintenance. Perhaps I’ll go back to counting calories again.

For now, I’m just going back to my happy place.

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I Quit WW

Well, I think my title says it all.

Shortest blog post ever?

In all seriousness, this isn’t just about me stepping away from SmartPoints. I talked about that decision before. This is about me stepping away from WW officially.

January 2021 (a date we are all desperately clinging to right now!) will be my 12th anniversary of joining WW. Now, I wasn’t always a consistent, paying member of WW. I’ve left and come back and left again over and over and over.

This feels a little different. Perhaps because when I rejoined in December 2018, I actually stuck to it until only a couple weeks ago. I didn’t always follow the current plan (or any plan) during that time. Still, I was consistent in weighing in (save for the Whole 35), attending meetings (“workshops”), and trying to be a part of the community (kinda) for over 550 days before I canceled my membership.

However, I think this feels different because I canceled for a different reason than I have in the past.

In the past, I’ve canceled because of life changes (like starting college on campus or a new job), finances, or simply because it felt like a waste to pay when I wasn’t losing weight because I wasn’t following the plan or because I was dealing with medication side-effects.

This time, I canceled to let go of a dream I’ve had for over 11 years.

Lifetime Membership.

On WW, if you hit your goal weight (within your healthy BMI range unless you have a doctor’s note for a higher weight goal) and maintain it for 6 weeks (within 2 pounds), you can achieve something called “Lifetime” status. As long as you weigh in no more than 2 pounds over your goal weight, you get free WW. 

Even with switching to PointsPlus, I was still holding onto this idea of getting Lifetime. I love the WW meetings. There’s a reason I went to 2-3 a week pre-COVID and 6 a week when WW went virtual. Getting Lifetime and going for free just makes financial sense- especially after all the time and money I’ve invested into WW over the years.

However, a few weeks ago, I was doing some serious reflection over how COVID has changed things for me and my weight loss journey, and I realized that I really love weighing in at home. The idea of switching things up and going from weighing in at home in the same outfit I wore to weigh in at WW every single week to weighing in wearing shoes and a mask just overwhelmed me. Now, if WW would allow me to continue with home weigh-ins indefinitely, things would be different, but it doesn’t seem like that’s going to be the case (based on a conversation I had with 24/7 chat about reaching Lifetime from home).

It made me realize that I don’t want to be a slave to the scale. Right now, if I have a rough week food-wise, I don’t care if I have a gain on the scale. PMS, special events, a change in a workout routine, illness, family issues. It doesn’t phase me. It’s just weight.

But what if my monthly weigh in to determine whether or not I have to pay happens to fall during the worst part of PMS? What about the fact that lifetime members need to weigh in at the beginning of the month? That makes the first weigh-in of the new year a challenge for everyone, but I’m also dealing with a late-June Birthday, which means it could impact my July weigh-in. Right now, seeing a gain on the scale at the beginning of July doesn’t phase me. It’s pretty normal for me.

But I’m pretty sure I’d feel differently if I weighed in for the purpose of Lifetime.

So, I’ve decided to step away from WW and give myself a break from having that pressure on me to hit goal weight by a certain time. Will I ever return to WW? Honestly, I’m not sure. There is a part of me that’s considering coming back when I’m a little closer to goal so I can get Lifetime and enjoy free meetings, but seeing as part of why I left was the realization that I don’t want the scale to hold so much power over me, this might be it.

In the meantime, I’m switching things up a little. I took a week off of the scale. In fact, tomorrow will be the second Sunday I’ve skipped weighing in since March 17, 2019 (last week was the first). Since I don’t have the pressure to stay consistent with Sunday weigh-ins and scheduling weigh-in day based on the best WW meeting for me, I’ve decided to change things up and start something new on a Monday instead of Sunday.

I think my main focus for the next four weeks is going to be tracking. I’ve been pretty inconsistent at that for a while and that definitely needs to change. I decided to sign up for a few “track bets” over the next few weeks as an added “push.” I was going to commit to 4 solid weeks of tracking anyway, but if I can get some extra cash for doing it, I might as well.

I also have a virtual race I’m working on. I still have 25.9 miles to go (out of 31.9), but that shouldn’t take too long. Currently, my “rule” is that I count any outdoor walk that’s at least 1 mile. If I walk to the store and back, that counts (but the shopping or going from store to store in the shopping center does not). Eventually, I may start biking some races (but I need a bike first). I haven’t quite set a goal for when I want to complete this race, but I think I can get this one done in 2 weeks and then knock out another one by the end of this 4-week experiment. I could possibly finish my current race in about a week, but we’re looking at excessive temperatures over the next few days, so I’m not sure I’ll be up for super long walks this week. I’ve already earned two race medals since starting these virtual races in June and there are a few more I’m hoping to collect from this one site alone.

Overall, I think my theme for the next month is going to be “consistency.” Consistency with tracking, drinking my water, getting in my steps, etc. I don’t have a specific workout plan set yet (working on that one) and I’m still tweaking some goals for the diet aspect of things, but at the end of the day, my main focus is just being consistent with what I know I need to do to reach my goals.

I am also doing a little self-reflection and experimenting with some things over the next 4 weeks related to my diet/health goals, but I’m not quite ready to share those details with anyone. Chances are, I’ll decide whether or not to say anything near the end of the 4 weeks.

Tomorrow, I have some grocery shopping to do to get myself prepped for Monday. In the spirit of giving myself a fresh start, I’m charging up my Fitbit (after not wearing it for a week) and creating a brand new Fitbit account. My weight history from my fancy new Bluetooth scale is being wiped clean. Sometimes, I think I just need a fresh start, so that’s what I’m doing.

So, here’s to the end of my time with WW and the start of my month of consistency.

Let’s see how this goes.